HanoverF:
"You called that a wedding cake? That was a ho-ho, I'm finding me another wedding!"
Zonk
"Look, you got to decide the kill zone LAST time... now back off..."
FryGirl
Whoa...I am SO into group connect-the-dots!
TheRatfink:
"Okay class pay attention......i before e except after mc 2.
Montague:
'Your 30-weight or your life...'
Montague:
Mr. Finch would soon learn that gravity minus chessboard plus Indy500 finish line equals... AAHHHH!
Zonk
"Remember, if someone in your audience yells "Focus", it's your responsibility to fiddle with the lens and then yell, "Shut the fuck up, it's as good as it gets."
Soozcat
Current 3/2 odds on the river. Gentlemen, place your bets.
Beckett
"Gee Whizz Louie! Will you give it a rest?!"
wd40
The surplus Napoleons were given a complimentary shiny medal and then pushed overboard.
Beckett
" Thank you for your service to our country...OVER THE SIDE...thank you for your service to our country...OVER THE SIDE...thank you...."
Agent_Moldy
"Bless me, Father, for I have overdrawn my account."
144b
I'll make ya a cake with a file in it for you, Garry? Louie, this is a tellers window? Oh, UH... Let me have change for a dollar.
JurassicPork:
Unfortunately encouraged by THE WIZ, Diana Ross then tackles RAPUNZEL...
AMCrulz:
Scenes from the first meeting of the masturbation abstinence group.
AMCrulz:
I had this happen to me once back in 1990 when I had that fever dream.
Moatas
A Little Known Fact: During the 'Cold War', many secret devices were hidden in plain sight at circuses.
144b
Too bad there were no skateboarders around back then. Otherwise, this would've been one bitchin' rail slide.
Agent_Moldy
In a surprise twist, it was revealed earlier today that they are, in fact, *not* men, though they *are* Devo.
FryGirl
"You're bleeding from the ears." "What?" "You're bleeding from the ears!" "What?"
holenozone:
"The guy at Home Depot said this would be so easy to install....lying bastard!"
holenozone:
"THIS!...this is what you look like after the colonoscopy goes terribly, terribly wrong! "
Zonk
This man's hair is influenced by tidal forces.
Dante83
Build a better bong and the world wwill beat a path to your parent's basement where you smoke up with your friends. Once the world finally rolls out of bed around noon or so.
da_upstart
<scratch scratch scratch> "God DAMN, I gotta remember to pick up some Preparation H big time!" <scratch scratch>
gleeb
But he delayed too long. Remember, always have Preparation H on hand...
echostation
Death by 'rhoids....
da_upstart
"Thaaat's alright, take your time. " <ka-klump ka-klump> "Easy. Eeeeasy." <ka-klump ka-klump> "Keep going, you can do it." <ka-klump ka-klump ka-klump> "COME ON!!!"
Angel_Noir:
"So..the Viagra...did you keep the receipt?"
Angel_Noir
"It's Hawking in the lead, followed by Ironside. But, wait! Roosevelt is coming up fast on the outside..."
Tommys Dad
"So... we're supposed to fly this woodie out to the coast ourselves?
E_the_E
"Fuck. We got Time Chasers."
Dirigo
Cockroaches worst nightmare: The New York Times, Sunday edition!
cambria36
Wanda always thought the last word in modern design was "design".
Beckett
" Eventually, you know, we're going to have to fix this driveway."
gleeb
*Must* you keep striking those things on my ass?
GersonK
"The name is Friday. I work pastries."
UnReality
"Your jelly truck broke down? I hope it doesn't cause a traffic jam!" "Oh, saints preserve us!"
UnReality
"We can't stop here, this is pita country."
Who
Unable to write a decent ending, the actors just leave
posthumous:
Why tell us when Stargate is always next?
Bigstupid
Hi. I'm Sally the Superior School Bus. Today we're going to open a can-o-whoopass on those sissy BlueBird buses. The little boys who ride those are all going to turn out GAY
Bigstupid
"No, you have to stop BEFORE the line...Maybe we should get you one of those flat-nosed buses..."