Snuffleupagus
oO Is that MY obituary?! Oo
UnReality
"Oh, we'll make them drink all right, you just watch!"
holenozone:
" NIVEA for men! When your not afraid to use whale sperm as aftershave. "
elKapitan
Hitler: The Early Years
Agent_Moldy
"I'M a little teapot. short and stout. Here is my hand -- aw crap, I'm a coffee pot."
gleeb
...with Pam Grier
Agent_Moldy
Even though we're raising the alert level to "Oh Sh*t".
gleeb
The phone is just whispering secrets to him.
rickubis
Otherwise known by Mr. Bush as "attack status avocado".
GersonK
This constant flashing message is way more re-assuring than those threat levels
gleeb
Bill Travers: smoker; oil refinery worker; total moron.
rickubis
Too bad I can't wear a hardhat on my lungs.
GersonK
o o 0 (Smoking on an oil rig. Man, this is this life)
GersonK
We had to call in a Joseph Carpenter to build the George Hause
rickubis
Shouldn't Robert Electrician have done the lighting?
Agent_Moldy
Joseph Carpenter is a good lighting guy. Just don't ask him about his stepson.
gleeb
Sorry, you got the wrong woman. I'm NurseVerde.
Agent_Moldy
"Won't you stay, Nurse?" "Can't. Those drive-by captions won't write themselves."
JoeCrow
How did Kolchak always manage to keep his hat at that precise 12 degree angle
Agent_Moldy
"Ma'am." "Baaaaaa."
GersonK
"This is nothing. I once knit a whole sweater with my brows."
NurseNoir
.oO Spit or swaller? Why I like ta jes' savor it fer a while! Oo.
gleeb
Purse? It's a European hold-all, Mister! DRAW!
Racerex
"Smile when you compliment my purse!"
The_Gray_Zombie
You dare say I have a pocket book?!? I oughta shoot you like the dog you are
Racerex
"I'm afraid I'm leaving this town. Too many male pocket-book jokes make me nervous."
Agent_Moldy
Goody Trampmistress, Prom Queen.
Racerex
We now return to "Florence Nightingale, Texas Ranger"......
144b
Prudence Goodwife: US Marshall
Moatas
A Little Known Fact: As part of his salary, Godfrey would get to keep the bowl of soup
EireCat
Unfortunately for Julie Andrews, the hills were alive with the sound of avalanches that morning...
carbonbased
The only existing picture of Calvin Coolidge's DUI arrest.
carbonbased
"Who's endangered now, asshole?"
ROBOTCROWT:
Yes, Dear, we are assured of complete privacy here. After all, what kind of poor schlub (with no life) would be capping at 4:51 am?
gleeb
Republic Pictures presents "High Plains Hypotenuse"
Loodvig
Potato Guns of the ol' West
WeirdFi_:
"Now, Pierre, you see what happens when you feed a lightning bug methamphetamines "
Moatas
"This sale figures are great, I kinda wish I was paying them now."
klutzka
Stalk them. Inspect their underwear for skidmarks. Have sex with their signifigant other.
Dante83
And on the sixth day, God created beef jerky...
Dante83
Meanwhile, Elliot Ness and his Untouchables race toward a Waffle House for their all-you-can-eat buffet.
cambria36
Can I get a patent for this? "What is it?" A rectal thermometer.
wd40
"Mr Watson, come here, I need you!" - .o0 friggin' micromanager! 0o.
rickubis
There is absolutely *no* way anyone can improve on this recording technology.
Moatas
The first recorded words. "...If you would like to place a phone call, hang up and try again."
NurseNoir
Would you buy a used *anything* from this man?