cambria36
Guess who's dad owns a pharmacy.
jack_routers
"You call ZIS a drinkink straw...I zink NUT!" Gene Hackman IS Adolf Hitler IN "The Flexi-Bend Story".
beckett
" Hmmmmmm, macaroni?"
beckett
" ..and I say Tesla would kick the SHIT out of Edison!"
amycamus
"You forgot to freeze Ted Williams' WHAT?!?"
jack_routers
"Well, keep working on it, Wilkins!! We'll suck that cute blonde babe outta the bottle if it's the last thing we do!"
144b
Really? Larry Fine was your father? Can I poke you in the eyes?
gleeb
Ha! I'm twice the chemist you'll ever be, you bald runt!
beckett
"...a larger penis?....Guaranteed?"
amycamus
Oh you and your filthy euphemisms! Just make me a woman, big boy!
beckett
" Hey, that's my wife's pet name!"
Mercutio_Jones
So, how's your life of quiet desperation going today, Phil? Pretty fucking wretched, but let's not talk about it, eh?
da_upstart
Probably from my ex-girlfriend.
GersonK
"Frankly, I don't care how many goldfish you can swallow. This is a brokerage. What we'd like to know is how long you can hold your breath."
Quatermains_mistress
.oO I just don't get the ajar thing. . .Oo.
Mr_Grant
Mitzi carefully calculates-- in cubits-- the placement of the blood on the doorframe for Passover. Mitzi is extremely Orthodox.
Agent_Moldy
Bad Back Theater presents: "I Accuse My Parents"
Hinermad
"It says here the Canadian court has ruled that same-sex marriages are legal." "Hmmm." "Road trip?" "Shotgun!"
TrezKu
We found this at the scene of the crime with a note attached saying, "Not by the hair of our chinny chinny chin."
TrezKu
"Now Frank, in your resume you listed 'liking mittens' as one of your skills..."
da_upstart
"... And hey, ladies, not a word to my wife about what just happened , ok?"
144b
Fine reading, Kathy. Now, do you understand it, now? Uh, sure Mr. Pinttern.
But, the Kama Sutra is a real textbook?
gleeb
In lieu of payment, Dr. Jenkins sometimes has his patients read passages from "Fanny Hill" to him in a low, soft voice.
144b
STAY back Mindy! Those peppers are hot!
Hinermad
Listerine kills germs that give roaches bad breath. (#42 in the series "1000 Failed Advertising Campaigns." Collect them all!)
UnReality
They're releasing Timmy back into the wild.
gleeb
Let's see, I was away for 5 years, and little Timmy is 4 next week....HEY!
Hinermad
"What do you think Dennis?" "There's no neighbors! Where's Mr. Wilson?" "He's the one that took our house when he sued us. You'll like it here." "No, I won't!" "There are no gun laws here." "COOL!"
TyranosaurisRex
Man, that Mr. Peanut gets weirder by the minute.
jack_routers
It was a mistake to let the Lilliputians in to visit King Friday XIII's castle...took forever to trolley the lot out of there...
jack_routers
In contrast to many boys with their first National Geographic, I was mostly disappointed.
Zoogicub
What every boy in the 1940's read National Geographic for.