gleeb's little caption gallery

GersonK
"Frank Lloyd Wright's passing water."

(ed. The one that started it all. I'd been thinking of building a gallery and when I saw this, I knew I had to.)

GersonK
Ed's entire act consisted of finding haikus in the Zagat's guide
gleeb
We all knew he wouldn't survive the poetry slam. His material consisted of reading from a 1983 Zagat guide to Dallas/Fort Worth.

(ed. I'm always amused when two cappers converge on an idea. This one was a bit scary, though.)

Generik Discontinue use if any of the following occur: sweating, itching, oozing, pustulating, stopping in the name of love or shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die.

FryGirl
Reminds me of the time I called in sick and went to the Giants game and wound up on the Jumbotron for 30 seconds.

FryGirl
Shit! There I am again!!!!!
gleeb
Now, FryGirl makes sure she's disguised as Nobel-prize-winning biologist Barbara McClintock before going to the game...

(ed. I like a good running joke, even if it only runs for two screengrabs.)

UnReality "Tonight, on Poorly Researched Historical Theater, Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters send Rosa Parks to the back of the bus to get stoned."

(ed. If I could do college all over again, I'd definitely major in Poorly Researched Theatre Studies. There's no reading involved and the courses are all pass/fail.)

Gnasche
"...and...dismount"

beckett
" I can out akimbo your ass all DAY mister!"

(ed. Man, schools these days are jungles.)

Agent_Moldy
"Sheesh -- it's always 'wee-wee' this and 'wee-wee' that. Why can't he just have some roast beef like Stan over there and shut the hell up!"

beckett
"The best part? I'm living in your eyebrow."

beckett
"Fred, you can't be drunk. That's a Catsup bottle you've been swilling out of."
gleeb
They tried to ignore it, but the bottle mocked them, a constant reminder of their ketchup/catsup arguement
tinaw
The tension was palpable. The irritability was at a fever-pitch. Did he really stick his thingy into the coke, or not?

jack_routers
"You call ZIS a drinkink straw...I zink NUT!" Gene Hackman IS Adolf Hitler IN "The Flexi-Bend Story".

(ed. Of course, Hackman's good in whatever he's in.)

Mr_Grant
Mitzi carefully calculates-- in cubits-- the placement of the blood on the doorframe for Passover. Mitzi is extremely Orthodox.

Hinermad
"It says here the Canadian court has ruled that same-sex marriages are legal." "Hmmm." "Road trip?" "Shotgun!"

TyranosaurisRex
Man, that Mr. Peanut gets weirder by the minute.

(ed. “I am become Legume, destroyer of worlds”?)

144b
From the makers of Finding Nemo Crash the sea tuttle is TJ Hooker! Righteous!Righteous!!!

(ed. Though I do reserve the right to change spelling & punctuation, I sometimes don't know where to start. Still, an inspired bit of funny here from Bert.)

Forkboy
"See Spot run. Run Spot, run. See Dick and Jane play with the big red ball. This is AWESOME! I wonder what those crazy kids'll do next!"

gleeb
Jean-Pierre Rampal hits the skids...
Mr_Grant
Jean Pierre Rampal's brief and addictive flirtation with "grunge flute".

144b
Can't you see? It's no longer about you and me and the doorknobs! It's a
nationwide crusade!

(ed. Doorknobs?)

gleeb
Joe Pesci IS Elizabeth Cady Stanton IN "Stanton and Anthony: Suffrage Cops", next on Poorly Researched Theatre.

(ed. I'm really proud of this one.)

AgentMoldy
"What would Jesus do? Come, let us ask Him."
*Turns around* "So? What would you do?"
"Hmmm...yeah, I'd probably go ahead and get the comprehensive coverage. Just getting liability is all that's required, but comprehensive is so much better, for the money. But hey, that's just my opinion."

TyranosaurisRex
4. Sharpen arrows.

gleeb:
Be alarmed. Be very alarmed. No, wait....be alert, no...be on guard, no...be amused, definately not...

(ed. Yep, I waited half the movie to make this caption. I'm not proud of that, but it's true.)

144b
I'll grinde ye bones to make me bread! Whatya know? You're pumpernickle!

AbortionIsMurder:
Are your doctor's hands too cold?

Matteus
uhh, why does contestant number three have a pistol?

Angel_Noir
"Red?" "Yes, King?" "Get my pistol back from that beauty pagent girl. This TV's getting uppity again." "You got it, E!"

tinaw
The statue shocks and disgusts most citizens, 50 years later, a highly praised symbol of culture.

(ed. Ain't it the truth?)

wd40
I don't know who that masked organizer was, but the world needs more heroes like . . .ACTION LIBRARIAN!
tinaw
"I can't get any sleep! ACTION LIBRARIAN tosses and turns all night, plotting revenge on the late book returners!"
gleeb
Wherever knowledge needs classification, I'll be there. Wherever there is horseplay in the stacks, I'll be there. Wherever a people cry out for assistance in using an index, I'll be there!"

(ed. The earliest ACTION LIBRARIAN captions I have saved, but it started at least a week earlier.)

gleeb
ACTION LIBRARIAN unleashes his "silent siren", alerting the super-sensitive hearing of the library's attack cat...

flavio
"Huh? Yeah, Huh? Yeah, Huh? Yeah, gold rush.

gleeb
Meanwhile, in Ottawa... "But they're not taking the prospecting seriously! They're doing Burns and Schreiber routines!"

flavio
PBS presents the epic documentary "Schreiber" by film maker Ken Burns.

(ed. Caption, counter-caption, counter-counter-caption. A nice little volley.)

Moatas
"But if Lee Harvey was at the movie house and you were here, who shot Kennedy?" // "The world's first perfect suicide."

144b
They started out as a skiffle band. But they found that no one really liked skiffle music.

Darthdemona
"As I sit here talking to you, my brain is actually on this little table over here."
gleeb
Does anybody have any questions NOT about why my brain is on a stand next to me?

Agent_Moldy
"That washer didn't separate those plaids on its own!" Ripped from today's clotheslines, "Law & Order: Washer Repair Unit".

eraserhead:
President Bettie's new flag design seemed a little egotistical

da_upstart
<pewt!> <CLAP!> "ah HA!! Caught it, you weak ass wanna-be sniper assassin scum!!"

(ed. A great play on TR's macho image and his actual shooting in 1912 before giving a speech. He gave the speech before seeking medical help.)

tinaw
"I'm Earl Schieb and I'll burglarize your house for $49.95."

gleeb
On his deathbed, Dr. Teller described his dream of a waffle-based nuclear defence.
Mercutio_Jones
The White House today unveiled its new plan to protect the US from terrorist attacks by surrounding it with giant toaster waffles.

(ed. Waffles: is there nothing they can't do?)

bluegem:
I've had it up to HERE with you copying me! Get your OWN Style!

Beckett
"There! This ascot should nicely conceal this goiter!"
terryodude
Fred is applies a generous dose of Dr Scholls Goiter remover before his date with Sally.

(ed. Because iodine deficencies are fun!)

144boo!
Looks like Daniel the tiger has moved uptown.

jammer427:
Great. Now he's trapped in that Bjork video.

(ed. There's a quicktime of it here.)

UnDeadality
"Got our motor runnin'?" "Check." "Headed out on the highway?" "Check." "Looking for adventure?" "And whatever comes our way. Check."

Dante83
Um, I ordered a Guinness. SEND IT BACK!

FryGhoul
"Smug, catty white bitch? Why, I suppose I am."

freak-o-d-week
"No, I don't like your opinion. Here's your two cents back."

(ed. tinaw disguised in her old captioning handle for halloween)

UnDeadality
"Eat hot physics, scum!"

Hinermad
"Your tesseract is coming along nicely, Ted. What will you use for the sides?" "I thought I'd use plywood for the outside, and silk for the other outside."

UpSky2
Stop parking on my sentence structure chart!

Dante83
"Yes I left a good job in the city, working for the man every night and day." "Did you ever lose one minute of sleeping worrying 'bout the way things might have been?" "No. No I did not."

UnReality
This is where the magic happens. (It's not very good magic.)

Anastasia_Beaverhausen
Dec. 7, 1941, a dinner party that will live in infamy.

144butterball
Weirdest Advent calendar I've ever seen.

teambanzai
Having no love for contractions Ted spends most of his free time combing though books and stabbing them when ever he comes across a dirty dirty contraction.

Mr_Grant
Here you can see Archduke Ferdinand's head going back, and to the left. Back, and to the left...

RoundYonEnoch
Danny Boy begins to realize the pipes, the pipes aren't really calling; it's just the voices in his head.

lil_amish_elf
yes, but is it art? Oh wait, yes it is art...never mind

MoldLangSyne
"...and eliminate one of the Dakotas and one of the Carolinas. What's with all this North AND South business, anyway? And that's why I need your vote for President in 2004!"

(ed. See the whole thing here.)

AustinThreeSixteen
"The loom, Norman! Listen to the loom!"

Hinermad
Don't make me come over there, Mohamed!

klutzka
"Really?Freshed squeezed?!...Rockin!"

"Dude."

(ed. Usually I just let Glitterrock collect captions off his cap-page board; He always selects ones I would have, anyway. But this one really amused me.)

tinaw
"We have all seen Life of Brian!" "I haven't!"

(ed. A very clever use of the source material.)

Dante83
"Excuse me, if I could just say a few words here..." "Sure." "Heliocentric. Misappropration. Cantaloupe. Intensity. Thank You."

GersonK
"yeah, boss, we're plotting a course right here to the Great Bird Nebula. Just follow my finger."

UnReality
"Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December, and each separate miscast Delambre wrought its ghost upon the floor..."

tinaw
Remember on Sundays you and your family would go walking in town and look in all the shop windows and you would greet people you passed in the street?

Neither do I.

144b
This guy is a R Crumb drawing come to life.

Zee
Sally Forth has taken an odd turn....

Mr_Grant
Rossi! Billie! My office!

(ed. At first, I read the caption. Then who made the caption sank in.)

UnReality
"The ice cream truck's here! The ice cream truck's here!"

cambria36
The only light Wave I ever knew tipped the scales at 90 pounds and had anchor tattoos on both her arms.

Mr_Grant
*CLICK* "Why, RTA coach 432 is 20 seconds behind its time point! Wait'll the gang in the Chicago Transit Yahoo Group hear about this!"

(ed. The scary part? There really is one.)

144b
Heller Budget: PI, An Quinn Martian Production. Starring Frank Sutton as Heller. Roy Dano as Lou & Unia Mussion as Eleea. Tonight's Episode: Monkeywrench Blues.

(ed. Know how I know he captured the QM tone correctly? I can't read it without hearing the “Barnaby Jones” narrator's voice in my head.)

144b
See? I told you I look like a bad ass wearing this hat? Is this the kind of image we want in selling greeting cards?

gleeb
"So, Hallmark're trying to move into our territory, huh? The big boys. Well, I say we go to the mattresses!"

gleeb
Roy Marsden IS Neil Burnside IN "The Sandbaggers Go Bass Fishing"

(ed. Sometimes the caption is just for me. I have no idea if anyone knows or cares what The Sandbaggers is.)

Agent_Moldy
"But what about Salvation Arm --" "Salvation Army Annie can come out of the corner when she learns to behave!"

UnReality
"What will he find out there, Mr. Class President?" "His destiny."

da_upstart
Mugsy Tua, the Hawaiian gangster mob boss, was arrested today trying to smuggle a pair of coconuts in his pants...

(ed. Mugsy Tua. Love the name.)

flavio
John Wilkes Booth accidentally shows up a night early and is treated to a delightful performance of the ice capades.

Angel_Noir:
"At last. I am alone. I can finally cap this screengrab of books." *CRASH!* "My DSL! But, there was time now! It's not fair!"

(ed. Angel_Noir does a great Burgess Meredith impression)

Angel_Noir
o/` "There's a little white dot on the grab today. It's come here courtesy of GersonK..."

Tommys Dad
New York CPR: 1. Ascertain whether victim is concious. 2. Yell really loud, "GET UP BEFORE YOU FREAKIN' DIE!"

FryGirl
GAAAAAAAAAA!!!! MY LUCKY CHARMS ARE HAUNTED!!!!!!!

SirSaxMan:
when the editor of "The Chronicle" kills a story, he kills the story.

(ed. I don't know whether this is funny, or if I just like Jon Polito.)

wd40
The surplus Napoleons were given a complimentary shiny medal and then pushed overboard.
Beckett
" Thank you for your service to our country...OVER THE SIDE...thank you for your service to our country...OVER THE SIDE...thank you...."

UnReality
"Jump over the lazy dog, will he? We'll just see about that, Mr. Fox!"

gleeb
Oh yeah? Well I'm the Postmaster-General, and if you don't like it, me and some of my buddies are just gonna have to get parcel post all over your ass! Dead letter, Baby!

(ed. Dead letter, Baby!)

GersonK
Damnit Bobby! What have we told you about looking back in anger?

144b
There he was at work. When suddenly he was attacked by a montage.

da_upstart
"... And the gruesome part is that he's still alive, sir."

GersonKartwright
"Making fun of a man's sandwich? At long last, have you no decency?"

GersonK
"hey Mommy-O." NEXT!

UnReality
"Aha! Just as I suspected! It's actually a chifforobe!

FryGirl
"You know what this party needs? Chicks!"

FryGirl
"You know what this cell needs?" "Chicks?" "Cafe curtains."

psychomorph
.oO Did I leave the range on...?

(ed. Breathing new life into an old joke)

144b
Check it out, a flashlight designed by Louis C. Tiffany.

UnReality
"What's the capital of Zimbabwe? Where was Marco Polo born? If a tree falls in the woods and --" "Shoot first, you idiot!"

MirandaRamsey
Corot thinks it's all about Corot, doesn't he?

(ed. Would it be cruel of me to suggest it might not really have been her? Yes, of course it would.)

Dante83
"Can't live by bread alone, huh Jesus? Well, we'll see about THAT!"